i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
