can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
