Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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