if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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