I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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