Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize