How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
