this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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