He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
