If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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