I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
