So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
