Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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