his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
