Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
