Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize