Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
