Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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