Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Randomize
