Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
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