i may or may not be watching the land before time
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
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