you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
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