he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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