Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
