Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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