you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
