I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
