WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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