Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Randomize
