we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
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I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
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Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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