I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Randomize
