so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
