bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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