She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
