I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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