ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
You need a sexual gate keeper
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
