They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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