they need to just BURY HIM!
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Randomize
