Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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