when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
