I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Randomize
