You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
