Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
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I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
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I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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