i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
