So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
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