What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
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i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
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No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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