So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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