I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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