Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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