How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
