You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
