oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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