wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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