I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
