Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize