Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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