I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
