My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
