yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
