omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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