My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Let's paint friendship bongs
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
